Realizations

I have held my husband back in social settings. There. Said it. Don't have to like it at all. But how do I change it? What brought all this up? I asked DH if he felt limited. I feel incredibly limited. So many people that I cannot be free with my speech around and feeling like they do no know the whole me. Friends that I have had for more than 20 years who, because of my whole self, I do not feel comfortable inviting them to my home anymore. And that is not even counting work. Then, there is finances and the expense of going out with friends. Oy! I continually feel to also be socially awkward. I think the two are related.

DH's fix was to take me to a party for one of his coworkers. That evening was very uncomfortable for me and I spent the bulk of it petting a very sweet dog. The only other person I knew there that I hadn't seen on television was a former classmate with whom aside from attending the same school, I have zero in common with. This led to Hubby turning down invites and not going alone to some work parties. He says because he didn't want to spend half the evening answering people as to my whereabouts. Now, I doubt that would have happened. I barely knew the people.

With changing where we live and work, expected social appearances and making new friends will be necessary. Am I just introverted? Am I shy? Am I fixable? I really do not know the answers. I'm not even certain what makes me this way.